I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Boobs are out for the taking
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
