Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
