His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
