I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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