My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
