pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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