I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He? As in you personified your dick?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
