Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
