hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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