This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
