Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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