I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I need a burrito and a hug.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
