I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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