I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Randomize
