I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
