My room smells like vodka and shame
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
