You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
What a dumb baby whore.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
