Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
