Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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