I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize