i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
