can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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