my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
