a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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