As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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