He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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