walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
