So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
