sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
