Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm at about main and main street
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
