no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
