I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
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