Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
