i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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