Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
