Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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