Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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