I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
