im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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