Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
