just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
