i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
