My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize