Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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