I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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