This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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