dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
