its not stalking. its research.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
