wat bout pragnant strippers??
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
