dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize