at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
