lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
