two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
