I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
