Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
