My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
