I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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