fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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