She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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