: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
