census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
