the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
