69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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