We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just invented taco cereal.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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