Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
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Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching her eat just hurts me
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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