Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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