I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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