These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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