Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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