so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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