your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
