why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
